When Is It Really Over? Understanding Date of Separation in California Divorce

In California, the “date of separation” matters. It marks the point when new income, retirement contributions, and other assets stop being considered community property. But figuring out that date isn’t always straightforward.

Under California law, separation happens when one spouse decides the marriage is over and their actions make it clear that the break is complete and final.

But what if they broke up and got back together?

A past period of separation doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage was over. If the couple later resumed their relationship—by living together, showing affection, or continuing to share finances—the law often sees that as a reconciliation. That resets the clock.

Even if spouses live apart for years, they may not be legally separated if they still function like a couple in meaningful ways.

It’s about conduct, not just distance

Living in separate homes, or even filing for divorce, doesn’t always mean the marriage has ended. If the parties still spend time together, travel as a family, exchange gifts or messages of affection, or stay sexually involved, the law may find that the marriage continued despite the physical distance.

What counts as reconciliation?

Reconciliation isn’t just about moving back in or sleeping together. It requires mutual intent to fully restore the marriage, along with conduct that reflects that—such as shared finances, social presentation as a couple, or returning to marital roles.

Cohabiting for practical reasons (like parenting or finances) doesn’t automatically undo a separation, but it raises questions. Courts look at the totality of the circumstances, not just one factor.

The Bottom Line

Temporary separations—even long ones—don’t necessarily end a marriage. To be legally separated in California, there has to be a final and complete break, both in words and in actions. And if a couple reconciles after a separation, the legal date of separation likely moves forward to when the final break actually occurred.

If you’re navigating this question in your own divorce, it’s worth talking with a family law attorney to assess how your history may affect your rights.